he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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