Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize