She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
