It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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