I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
