I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
