Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
