I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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