I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
