if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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