dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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