Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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