Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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