So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
