i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
