How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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