Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
