That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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