Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
