I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
