the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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