Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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