He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
