Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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