You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
