also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
