I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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