I cockslap morals
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
