It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
