you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
