If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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