He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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