OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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