9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
