She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
