I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
