so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
