I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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