think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Randomize
