i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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