I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i think i have two assholes
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
