are you still at the devil's house?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
