We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
