don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
