I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
