I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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