If i come over, it means nothing
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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