Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
