when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
