i already hear my dad disowning me
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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