Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You've changed since you got that strap on
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
