he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
