We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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