sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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