Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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