id be glad to
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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