I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
vagina is talking i cant
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize