How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
