One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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