I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
