And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
