I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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