Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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