There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
