I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
