I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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