i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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