So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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