I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
