You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
