I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
