She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
