turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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