I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
BRING THE BAGELS
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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