if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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