i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My ass is underappreciated
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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