I want to make a zoo with you.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
