My pussy is not your playground.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
