it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
